The Words from My Father That Saved Us as a New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to open up amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - spending a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."